Do you love training indoors? I do. Are you smart? I am. Are you looking for a turbo that will help you reach those lofty goals you’ve set for next season - and smartly, like? Well look no further as I present to you this stunning smart Tacx Vortex turbo trainer. Say it with me - ‘Vooorrrteeexxxxx-tex-tex-tex-tex! See? Even the word will make you go faster. And it echos. And what’s smart about the V, V, V Vortex you say? Well, everything! The Vortex connects to Tacx own app (meh) and all the usual training apps (Zwift, Trainerroad etc - Zwift is for nerds BTW) and has ERG and Resistance modes. What’s ERG you say? Well ERG basically means the app can “communicate” with the Vortex and set the resistance on the trainer in response either to the terrain on which you’re riding - in cloud cuckoo land (i.e. Zwift, yes, we’re cycling through a volcano, yes, you are, there, there) or the power required for your grown-up, no BS, back-breaking, power-based workout (Trainerroad - the app for adults). Wondering what comes in the package? You want to know? Well, you get the Vortex Trainer, the quick-release skewer (once I find it) and a front wheel riser. I’ll even throw in a partially used training tyre for your whip so you don’t burn out you lovely continentals! Yes, I will! You want to know how much I’ll let this smart little bundle go for? I bet you won’t believe it. Seriously. You won’t! Well it retails at a pocket-burning €449.99. Yes €449.99! Say it like Jo Duffy. Go on! Check it here
- but you might get it for €449.99 plus postage on Chainreactioncycles.com if you’re quick. Go to Base2Race and it’s a mere €1,843.56 (I'm joking lads, seriously, I promise), and at Wheelworx you need a letter from your employer, 6 months pay-slips and a mortgage from a vulture fund to get your sweaty little triathlete hands on it. But I’m letting this go for a mere €299.99 or €300 euro in old money. Yes! Tra tra tra Tree Hunded Aeros! I must be cray-cray! I’ll even meet you to hand over the goods. Call me for this and other crazy offers on 0, ate 6 1 seven 3 8 2 oh 2.
In all seriousness this is a fair decent mid-priced smart trainer - not the kind to take to Mr Darcy’s Wednesday night sweat-fests (it’d be a bit OTT for that, and god the bacteria in that hall must be lethal), but it is a turbo, which, along with a good training plan/app will get you from zero to hero through the dark winter nights. It’s a season and a half old and got plenty of use last winter. On the modes, I find the Tacx ERG mode can be a little lumpy/laggy (but that could also have been the Zwift app, eh, not that I’ve ever used that nerdy app, so I rode Trainerroad and used the resistance mode all last off season. Pfft, ‘off-season’, there’s never an off season when you’re as committed and driven as me - ask John Doyle, I never miss a pool session. Never. Anyways, bikeradar review is
I take HARD CASH. No postal orders, no prize bonds, no cheques and no swaps - I don’t need a family-pack of Michael D Higgins tea cosies thank you. Will stick this up elsewhere for €320 - just cos that’s how I roll - I look after my homies in WTC but strike down with great vengeance and furious anger on all others. And charge them an extra 20 quid for the privilege. Get it before it’s gone! Vooorrrrtex-tex-tex-tex-texxxxxxxx…..makes you go fasterrrrrrr!!!!!!